Sleep? Who Needs It?!

30Dec12

Alas, I cannot sleep. Or at least not very well.

You would think that in the dark days of winter (up here in the northern hemisphere – I’m jealous of ‘Y’all’ in the South) I’d be hibernating like a bear, but in the past few days I’ve been more like an unresting zombie.

fog

“There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep.” – Homer

Do I have too many words Homer? Do I have something within me that needs to get out so that I might finally sleep a peaceful sleep? This unrest robs me of my eloquence, so please Homer, offer up a remedy.

I know that I’m arguing with a ghost, but I have no other person to ask. I cannot sleep and so I look to the great minds of the past for wisdom. I’m certain we’ve all read or at the very least heard of the poem The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe. I’ll always remember the part of the poem where the narrator describes himself as seeking refuge among his books to avoid his pain.

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore”                                     (The Raven, Edgar Allen Poe)

Raven

So I am pondering. I feel weak and weary for sure. But weary about what?

I think (though it is currently hard to do so) I am weary of the uncertainty of the future. I can say that 2012 was one of the hardest years of my life. So much changed for me, but I can’t say that 2012 was the worst year ever; I didn’t lose anyone close to me and I am very thankful for that. Also I genuinely take away from 2012 and the changes and challenges it brought, a hope that the change will bring good fruit in the coming year. So what am I weary about if I feel hopeful?

The problem is elusive. The problem is a symptom of the disease I fight, and so perhaps I should just accept that this is a symptom, like a sneeze, in that it has no greater meaning than that of a side effect of the ailment. I feel like I’m writing a medical novel suddenly.

“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” – Benjamin Franklin

Oh Ben, I seek all three of these things, but if I must attain the requirement of sleep, I am afraid I will never get the health, wealth, and wisdom I truly desire. Perhaps therein lies the true worry that haunts me: Given my condition, and that it got worse in 2012, am I afraid that I’ll never reach my incredibly high expectations for myself? I think that that is very true. So I must seek forgiveness.

A great picture by TimeToKickBuTs.com  by Doris Blanchet.

A great picture by TimeToKickBuTs.com by Doris Blanchet.

“If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie

Carnegie has great advice on this. I think he may have suffered as I do. I agree that feeling sorry for yourself is a horrible habit.

It’s true that to lay around and worry solves nothing. It’s true that you should use the hours given to you to do as much good as you can. But in this limbo it is difficult to say the least. Perhaps I will write.

“I put a piece of paper under my pillow, and when I could not sleep I wrote in the dark.” – Henry David Thoreau

Thoreau is always a great source for advice, and I have taken it. I started writing again. I haven’t written anything for a long time, and so I’m rusty and not very happy with what I’m producing, but the point is that instead of laying in bed worrying (or playing on the computer mindlessly for hours), I am producing something. I can point at something and say ‘Hey, look what I made!’ and maybe feel some pride. I’d rather feel this than the lament I feel every time I look at the clock and feel guilt for lost hours.

I saw this picture on Facebook via The Optimism Revolution and it has had a profound affect on me.

Asha Tyson

Wish me luck dear friends. I remain hopeful.

“O sleep, O gentle sleep, nature’s soft nurse, how have I frighted thee, that thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down, and steep my senses in forgetfulness.” – William Shakespeare (Henry IV, Part II, Act III, sc. 1)

Forgive me dear Internet for adding another cat picture :)

Forgive me dear Internet for adding another cat picture 🙂

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2 Responses to “Sleep? Who Needs It?!”

  1. I’m immediately loving your style of writing. It’s honest and real, and … entertaining. I’m interested in what you have to say. Part of it is simply because I relate to your lack of sleep, your condition, and your point of view. The rest is simply because you are good at what you write. Keep writing, hang in there, and know that some of my best writing came at 3 in the morning. 🙂 P.S. I like the cat picture.
    -free2live282000


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