Frozen . . . Depression . . .

04Jan13

Today, depression visits.

An unwelcome and treacherous guest.

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I’m trying to write so as to tell how frozen and useless one becomes.

I try to take my own advice, but I feel hollow and the words echo and blend into indistinguishable noise.

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I feel vacant. My soul undefined.

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Two quotes:

“Mirth, and even cheerfulness, when employed as remedies in low spirits, are like hot water to a frozen limb.” – Benjamin Rush

I need to smile . . .

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“We revolutionaries acknowledge the right to revolution when we see that the situation is no longer tolerable, that it has become a frozen. Then we have the right to overthrow it.” – Ernst Toller

I need to fight . . .

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For now, I sleep . . . perchance to thaw

I'm trying . . . I'm trying

I’m trying . . . I’m trying

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9 Responses to “Frozen . . . Depression . . .”

  1. Hang in there. Don’t be afraid of hospitals..they can be our friends when we get too low. I had to go in for the first time in 23 years and it’s the best thing I’ve done in 20 years. I am now breaking through years & years of stagnation. I will be thinking of you. I know EXACTLY how desolate you feel, that was me the day I went into the hospital. Sending you big hugs.

    • Thank you – My doctor agreed to see me tomorrow morning. I’m lost on what might happen and that brings its own anxiety. It’s good to hear from someone who had this come to a positive end

  2. You are not alone. Seeing your doctor and possibly tweaking your medicine might be the best thing. Just stay in the moment about that, so you don’t keep getting more anxious. You are right. You don’t know what’s going to happen, and that’s ok. Focus on yourself right now. Breathe. And. And, I am giving you advice that I need to take myself because for the last few days I have been down as well.

    Staying only in bed and crying. Listless. Thinking that nothing will ever pick me up. That nothing will be better. This has been me. And seeing your post has given me a reason to talk with you, to let you know you are not alone, and that lets me know I am not alone either. I am thinking of you. Please let us know how things go with the doctor. -Sharon

    • Thanks Sharon, your message helped 🙂
      Depression makes us all feel so isolated and you helped me feel a little less lonely.
      It has been a hard time of late hasn’t it?!

      The doctor was patient and suggested adding more medication. I’m willing to take medication but I felt like taking even more meds was like a failure.
      I still haven’t gone to get the new meds. I’m hoping it was enough just to have my doctor (and the couple of people reassuring me) is enough for now. I promise to get the new meds if I get worse though.
      Things will pick up. They have to 🙂

      • You are not alone in this. I know the frustration of hearing that needing to up the meds may be the next step. And the hesitancy in doing it. Something called kindling helped with my decision to move forward with it. Not telling you what to do, maybe research kindling and ask your dr. About it. You are strong. Be patient and trust that there is an answer for this.

      • I’m checking out kindling right now. Interesting. New ideas!

      • I hope you have found more than I did. A lot of theories out there, but I relied on the doctors to sort through the high falutin mumbo jumbo. I don’t know if that is the best way to go, but i trust my doctors and have a good rapport with them.

        As far as I understand it, the more episodes we have, the easier it is to trigger even more episodes, harder and faster together. So if we take our medicine to keep the triggers from happening, the kindling is slowed down or stopped.

  3. I admire that you wrote about it and are trying–I have no wise advice–just that I am glad you are communicating

  4. I know what you mean about not having wise advice. I’ve tried to give it to others but we both know there isn’t much to say other than ‘you aren’t alone’, and your message said that – Thanks!


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